The Jeep Ten Commandments

[TheBirdie72]

The old 1956 film "The Ten Commandments" with Charlton Heston was on TV a couple nights ago, and it got me wondering...

If Moses came down from Mt. Rubicon with a couple of stone tablets that had the "Jeep Ten Commandments" on them, what would they be?

Thou shalt...discuss.

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[DOOKEY]

1.) This is how much lift you need to clear 35's.
2.) Yes, others have had paint issues around the hinges.
3.) Light bars are dumb.
4.) Angry grills do not belong on Jeeps.
5.) Want it to rain? Go topless.
6.) Measure once. Cut 14 times.
7.) Your 10mm socket hates you.
8.) Pay it forward.
9.) Pull the winch cable before you hit the mud hole.
10.) Buy FRICTION DOUBLE BEADLOCKS!

 

[falcon241073]

Closest I have lol



10 reasons NOT to put a lift kit in your Jeep

•After a lift, your Jeep will NOT ride like it did when it was stock height (don’t believe the marketing hype or message boards)
•You WILL spend significantly more money on your Jeep after the lift kit is installed
•Lift kits lead to bigger tires. Bigger tires lead to new steering parts, better brakes, gearing upgrades, a stronger tire carrier, refinancing your house, etc.
•Your wife/girlfriend will complain that your Jeep is hard to get into and is scary to drive
33-inch tires will start to look tiny.
•Your brain does strange things in an effort to make you justify that 38’s are the new 33’s
•Fixing driveline vibrations & re-balancing tires will drive you insane
•You may experience the dreaded “death wobble.” If you do, you’ll be investing in new underwear
•You’ll get pissed at Jeep for not adding welders and onboard air as standard equipment from the factory
•You’ll start wondering if your Jeep can climb random things (e.g. the rock in your neighbor’s yard, guard rails, the hood of your boss’ Mercedes)
•There will be times when you hate your Jeep and will want to burn it to the ground

 

[conFUcius]

Not sure what order these would go in:

• Just Empty Every Pocket
• Buy once, cry once (i.e. go one tire size bigger than you think you’ll stop at)
• Don’t complain about gas mileage (fuel capacity and range, sure, but not mileage)
• Don’t complain about not getting a wave back
• Lockers before lights
• Pot your sensor (thanks, @chevymitchell for that tip)
• If you think you don’t need to re-gear, you haven’t driven a properly re-geared Jeep
• It doesn’t always buff out (sorry, @Roky since it conflicts with your windshield banner )
• Meet new people and help other Jeepers out
• Have fun and stop taking things so seriously

 

[Roky]

Not sure what order these would go in:

• Just Empty Every Pocket
• Buy once, cry once (i.e. go one tire size bigger than you think you’ll stop at)
• Don’t complain about gas mileage (fuel capacity and range, sure, but not mileage)
• Don’t complain about not getting a wave back
• Lockers before lights
• Pot your sensor (thanks, @chevymitchell for that tip)
• If you think you don’t need to re-gear, you haven’t driven a properly re-geared Jeep
• It doesn’t always buff out (sorry, @Roky since it conflicts with your windshield banner )
• Have fun and stop taking things so seriously

I didn’t have enough windshield to say “most of the time “…..lol…. Probably all fit on Bronco windshield aren’t they like 4 feet wider……? …..

 

[TheBirdie72]

1. Thou shall not refer to a Jeep as a 'car'
2. Thou shall not put on overly-large rims with skinny tires
3. Thou shall not go off-roading alone
4. Thou shall not off-road without proper recovery gear
5. Thou shall not disrespect the Jeep wave
6. Thou shall not b!tch about gas mileage
7. Thou shall not complain about getting rained on with the top off
8. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's Jeep upgrades
9. Thou shall not hate on your fellow Jeepers - we are an inclusive community
10. Thou shall not get warranty service if you need it and are entitled to it

 

[Mikester86]

Just spit balling, but here we go in no particular order:

• Do not covet thy neighbors Jeep
• LiteBrite is not real life
• If your tires look small, put more air in them
• If your lift is higher than your IQ, buy a Bronco
• Your windshield will crack, just give it time
• No, wider tires do not make your ass look big
• Angry eyes are reserved for your wife when your are Just Emptying Every Pocket
• Yes 35's will fit a stock Rubicon, but will rub while flexing
• No, aftermarket parts will not void your warranty
• Check your fuses was not a suggestion

 

[Heimkehr]

The 10 Commandments of Jeep.

I. I am the Jeep your vehicle. You shall place no other brands before me.
II. You shall not take the name of Toledo in vain.
III. Remember to keep connected the sway bar when driving on road.
IV. Honor your tire pressure and your LED headlight aiming.
V. You shall not install an angry grille.
VI. You shall not run out of gas on the trail.
VII. You shall not post JL forum threads with clickbait titles.
VIII. You shall not bear false witness against the actual road manners of your lifted Jeep.
IX. You shall not covet your fellow owner's wench winch.
X. You shall not covet your fellow owner's average fuel mileage.

 

[conFUcius]

I didn’t have enough windshield to say “most of the time “…..lol…. Probably all fit on Bronco windshield aren’t they like 4 feet wider……? …..

The greatest commandment of all… Jeep > Bronco

 

[TheBirdie72]

The 10 Commandments of Jeep.

I. I am the Jeep your vehicle. You shall place no other brands before me.
II. You shall not take the name of Toledo in vain.
III. Remember to keep connected the sway bar when driving on road.
IV. Honor your tire pressure and your LED headlight aiming.
V. You shall not install an angry grille.
VI. You shall not run out of gas on the trail.
VII. You shall not post JL forum threads with clickbait titles.
VIII. You shall not bear false witness against the actual road manners of your lifted Jeep.
IX. You shall not covet your fellow owner's wench winch.
X. You shall not covet your fellow owner's average fuel mileage.

Very well done, sir.

 

[RDakota]

1. Thou shall not refer to a Jeep as a 'car'
2. Thou shall not put on overly-large rims with skinny tires
3. Thou shall not go off-roading alone
4. Thou shell not off-road without proper recovery gear
5. Thou shall not disrespect the Jeep wave
6. Thou shall not b!tch about gas mileage
7. Thou shall not complain about getting rained on with the top off
8. Thou shall not covet thy neighbor's Jeep upgrades
9. Thou shall not hate on your fellow Jeepers - we are an inclusive community
10. Thou shall not get warranty service if you need it and are entitled to it

Very good. I may have to print these out and post them in the garage!

 

[aldo98229]

Apparently there were originally 15 commandments; we only got 10 of them... ?

 

[Capricorn]

So it is Written, So it Shall be Done

 

[Wkaz]

Thou shall not put chrome on a jeep

 

[TheBirdie72]

Thou shall not put chrome on a jeep

Hmm... haven't thought or heard about that one before... interesting... Yeah, I can't really think of a chrome part that would look right on my jeep... ?

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