PHEW— at first glance I thought you might actually like that cartoonish abominationI'm looking for a stylish aftermarket grill that's NOT angry. They all seem angry! Does this even exist?
The closest thing I've found are squinting eyes, but that's for the JK!
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Any helpful suggestions? (HAHAHA, I know... I know...)

That one's not bad! It's massively on sale at Amazon, too. Their prices were astronomical to begin with, but they got my attention now that they're running 75% off over at Amazon...If you want something that looks kinda like a baby Bronco.
https://www.quadratec.com/p/westin/hdx-led-grille-jeep-wrangler-jl-gladiator-jt
I honestly like the baby Bronco one the best. Though you’ll probably get a lot of confused looks from both fan bases.
No way man, some of us are genuinely concerned about your health. Have you been tested for Vision loss or Macular Degeneration? What about cataracts?EDIT: Oh! I see it now. The purists would hunt me down for that mono-slot grill, wouldn't they?