You might be a Jeeper if...

[Opus]

85.) Your gas gauge falls faster than a Peregrin falcon...

86.) Snow days don't involve sitting by a fire drinking cocoa...

87.) You've wondered... if there was a strong enough anchor point coming off the roof... and a beefy enough winch... could I really crawl this thing up a wall???...

88.) The other day somebody complimented you on your "car"... ironically in 4L with the sway bar disconnected it was easy to use that "car" to dump the body where it will never be found...

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[Opus]

89.) You know, like the Fonz, only real men drive a Tuscadero...

90.) You're working with Doc Brown on a Time Machine to take you and your Jeep back to 1955... not to reconcile your parents at the Enchantment Under the Sea dance... but because that was a year before the Eisenhower Interstate Highway System became a thing...

91.) Speaking of movies and TV... when asked about your favorite movies and TV shows, your list is an eclectic one: M*A*S*H, Jurassic Park, The Dukes of Hazzard, Cars, Tomb Raider: Laura Croft and the Cradle of Life, Saving Private Ryan, and Clueless.... Weird, right? I mean, what could they all possibly have in common...

92.) The social pecking order amongst you and your friends corresponds to the height of the lifts of your respective Jeeps. In your circle, this guy is the alpha dog.

Coincidence? I think not...

 

[TEAMSLO]

You might be a Jeeper if...

You had a planned 3 week vacation out of the country and the day before the flight, you reschedule flights for the following year. All because you got a surprise early tracking for suspension components coming in that weekend.

 

[Opus]

94.) Gun to your head... you'd rather see your Jeep topless than your significant other...

95.) One day each year you get a wild hair up your ass and run your Jeep with the windshield folded down.... just because you can.

95.5) ...One year, with that windshield down, you got it up to 80 on the highway and damn near blew the windows out of your soft top...

96.) You keep checking to see if the [OIIIIIO] personalized plate is available in your state... {spoiler alert: it never is and never will be}... turns out a dope-smoking hillbilly named Cletus got it for his 1969 CJ-5 and has vowed to only give it up when, like his shotgun, it's pried from his cold, dead hands...

 

[Opus]

97.) You once considered whether large enough tires, a deep enough tread, and 4L could turn your Jeep into a paddle boat...

98.) Everybody's all about "departure angle" but you installed wheelie bars, and not because of how your Jeep launches off the line...

99.) You'd like to be buried in your Jeep, but unlike you, your Jeep just won't die...

100.) Your soft top leaks... but then, hey, so do you once in a while if you sneeze or laugh a little too hard, so who are you to judge...

 

[Dryver]

You know you might not be a Jeeper if you spend hours writing "You might be a Jeeper if..." jokes on the forum and only get 463 views because everyone else is too busy to read them since they're reading about lifts, tires, angry grills, builds, and tracking the progress of their order of their 5th Jeep in four years..

 

[Opus]

You know you might not be a Jeeper if you spend hours writing "You might be a Jeeper if..." jokes on the forum and only get 463 views because everyone else is too busy to read them since they're reading about lifts, tires, angry grills, builds, and tracking the progress of their order of their 5th Jeep in four years..

Okay... I've gone back and forth on this, and I honestly don't know if you're saying other people should be reading this thread... or if you're saying I wasted my time writing it...

If it's the former, thank you so much!

 

[Dryver]

Okay... I've gone back and forth on this, and I honestly don't know if you're saying other people should be reading this thread... or if you're saying I wasted my time writing it...

If it's the former, thank you so much!

If it's the latter:

O.M.G.! CLETUS??? Is that you???

Aw, hey, I'm sorry, man. This is soooo embarrassing. If I'm being honest, I never would've written that stuff about you if I thought you'd show up here and if... ya' know... I thought you actually knew how to read...

Well, I was just trying to be amusing in all honestly. I very much enjoyed your jokes as evidenced by having read the whole thread. I particularly liked the ones aimed at me.

Cletus (written by my cousin Rhonda)

P.S. I think you should start a Jeepku thread.

 

[TheBirdie72]

100 down, 265 more jokes to go. Then you can publish your own “Jeep Joke of the Day” calendar/day planner! ??

 

[Opus]

Well, I was just trying to be amusing in all honestly. I very much enjoyed your jokes as evidenced by having read the whole thread. I particularly liked the ones aimed at me.

Cletus (written by my cousin Rhonda)

P.S. I think you should start a Jeepku thread.

In that case, I withdraw the latter. Thanks.

A Jeepku for you...

If we don't agree
When there's misunderstanding
Jeeps bind us always

 

[Opus]

101.) You understood that Jeep stood for Just Empty Every Pocket, but you weren't prepared for the fact that MOPAR stands for More Overpriced Parts Are Required...

102.) Your insurance company is getting suspicious. It seems that for the past 5 summers your Jeep has been vandalized in a very similar fashion. The vandals always hit the side rails with what must be a hammer, key the paint something awful and then for some reason they rip off the side mirrors and tail lights. Damn hooligans...

103.) You have a ring shaped stain on at least one of your fenders the exact diameter of a beer can...

104.) You got a call from your kid's principal. Apparently in science class they got in trouble for arguing that light through a prism didn't separate into ROY G. BIV but was actually: Firecracker... Punk'n... Hella Yella... Mojito... Chief... Ocean... and Reign...

 

[Opus]

105.) You yell at the kids for leaving the front door open... "what, were you kids born in a barn?... were you raised by wolves?... you think money grows on trees?" Yet you figure between the AC and the Cold Weather Group you've bought yourself at least an extra week in the late fall and late spring to run safari-style. Suck it, global warming!...

106.) You're all about nature... *pristine nature... *NOTE: "pristine" may include ruts a foot deep, rock inclines with a half inch of rubber on them because somebody forgot to air down, and a line of transfer case fluid you could follow like Hansel and Gretel if you got lost on the trail...

107.) Given its size, you've had someone ask: "Is that a Jeep fob in your pocket or are you just happy to see me?" And they mean the fob, of course. I mean, let's not kid ourselves... your penis is okay for a Tuesday in the suburbs...

108.) You live in the midwest, which means your local Jeep club meets once every other month to "wheel" through a couple of culverts and some ruts left by a combine that got stuck in a wet field at harvest.

 

[Opus]

109.) You read where a smart guy wrote that roof-top tents make it harder for bears to pull you out in the middle of the night... then you realize he said "harder"... but definitely not "impossible"...

110.) Grass grows while paint dries
Yet some get Jeeps in four weeks?
Why cruel god, why?

111.) full doors... half doors... tube doors... mesh doors... no doors...

https://media.stellantisnorthamerica.com/newsrelease.do?id=17452&mid=

Coincidence??? I think not.

112.) You accidentally waved at a Mahindra Roxor the other day and now you have to live with that shame forever...

 

[Opus]

113.) Your angry grill isn't angry enough... so you share your political views with it...

114.) Your angry grill has spread to other parts of your life...

angry house

angry car

angry... holy shit!!! WTF?!?!?

 

[Opus]

115.) You saw this:

and wondered...

a.) What's it like getting high centered on road kill?
b.) Which button do you push to make it transform into a Jeep?
c.) Why didn't they let the crusher finish the job?
d.) How high would I have to be to slam a Jeep that low?
e.) All of the above.

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