You might be a Jeeper if...

[Opus]

With all due deference to Mr. Foxworthy:

You might be a Jeeper if...

1.) You pulled your rig into the garage one rainy Saturday morning, busted out the tools, installed the MOPAR 2" lift and the new 37s... only to realize it's now too tall to back out of the garage... (c'mon, I know somebody has done this).

Or worse, took it to a shop to get the work done and didn't realize until you tried to drive it into the garage coming home...

2.) You've now spent more money on your Jeep and all the accessories than you did on your first house...

3.) After memorizing your VON for your Jeep order you used Google Maps to check the mileage from Toledo to your dealership, then had junior high math class flashbacks... "A car carrier leaves Toledo at 9am traveling west at 65 miles an hour...."

4.) A quick topless trip to the grocery store ends with you having to pull the drain plugs from the floor boards...

Feel free to add your own.

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[kah.mun.rah]

You have 3 monthly car payments: one for the loan, one for the mods, and one for the repairs.

 

[Opus]

6.) With the take-offs: wheels, bumpers, tops, doors, etc. in a pinch, with one trip to the salvage yard, you could cobble together a second Jeep.

7.) You air down when the weather forecast calls for "partly cloudy skies"... just in case.

8.) You bought a 392 with 470 horsepower so you can go from 0 to 60 in 4.0 seconds... to get to a trail to drive 3mph...

9.) You look at this:

And think either A.) That's a good start or B.) Poor bastard must have run out of money before he could finish...

 

[Philly_]

With all due deference to Mr. Foxworthy:

You might be a Jeeper if...

1.) You pulled your rig into the garage one rainy Saturday morning, busted out the tools, installed the MOPAR 2" lift and the new 37s... only to realize it's now too tall to back out of the garage... (c'mon, I know somebody has done this). Or worse, took it to a shop to get the work done and didn't realize until you tried to drive it into the garage...

2.) You've now spent more money on your Jeep and all the accessories than you did on your first house...

3.) You've used Google Maps to check the mileage from Toledo to your dealership, then had junior high math class flashbacks... "A car carrier leaves Toledo at 9am traveling west at 65 miles an hour...."

4.) A quick topless trip to the grocery store ends with you having to pull the drain plugs from the floor boards...

Feel free to add your own.

Not fitting in the garage is an excuse for onboard air! Air down to get in and out and then back up for the street. Problem solved.

 

[Opus]

11.) You tell your spouse if they let you get the Jeep you want, you'll take them snorkeling somewhere amazing...

12.) You have to phone a friend if you get a flat, not because you don't know how to change a tire, but because the 40 inch spare now weighs 150lbs and you can't muscle it off the tailgate...

13.) You proudly display the Mall of America trail badge...

14.) Your Jeep is lifted so high you had to rig your winch to your roof rack to assist you getting in and out. (surprised Warn doesn't have something like this already)

 

[Opus]

15.) You have to plan a day ahead before taking it to the dealer to undo all the Tazer mods...

16.) Unlike Brad Pitt in the movie Seven... you know "what's in the box"...

17.) You secretly yearn for the zombie apocalypse because you've finally got the bug-out vehicle for it.

18.) You flunked your history quiz because you couldn't figure our how Julius Caesar could have crossed a river in a Rubicon in 49BCE.

 

[Opus]

19.) You wash your Jeep religiously... once at Christmas and once for Lent mostly to keep the road salt at bay...

20.) Kenny and Robin aren't your friends, they're your local FedEx and UPS drivers...

21.) Marvin Gaye and Tammi Terrell's "Ain't No Mountain High Enough" is more than your favorite song, it's an aspirational goal...

22.) You can't decide if your first born's first two initials should be T.J. or J.T, or maybe J.L.? Nah, jk...

 

[Opus]

23.) You've said "That's it, I'm done. No more mods." about as often as you've said, "As god as my witness, I'll never get that drunk again." But next Saturday night, there you are, knocking back the bourbon and drunk shopping AllMoparParts.com...

24.) The new security system in your Jeep is to lift it so high a thief can't get in it without a step ladder (see #12 above). But the downside is that the thief can now steal your catalytic converter without even stooping...

25.) You've discovered the "death-wobble" means you no longer need a Starbucks' double espresso to perk you up each morning. And the money you're saving? Yeah, you know what to do...

26.) You know deep down you removed those rear seats because when the credit card statement comes you're going to have to sleep back there...

 

[Opus]

27.) You've genuinely considered trying to date someone at your dealership... for the employee discount...

28.) You sprained your Jeep waving fingers on your latest trip to Moab...

29.) This

is a stimulant and, if we're being honest, an aphrodisiac...

30.) Your spouse caught you in the bathroom watching Jeep mod videos on YouTube...

 

[dragoneggs]

20.) You can't decide if your first born's first two initials should be T.J. or J.T, or maybe J.L.? Nah, jk...

Hey I guess I was destined to be a Jeeper... my son's name is Thomas Johan and called him TJ until his late teens. My wife's first two initials (maiden) were JL. After we married she took her last name as her middle name and my last name. Yep, JK!

 

[Opus]

31.) You've used your winch to ski in slow motion...

32.) You occasionally hop a curb just because you can...

33.) You think angry grills look like somebody wrote a wish list to Santa for Jeep stuff, but addressed it "Satan" by accident...

34.) You now rock enough LEDs to use your Jeep as a tanning bed... or to braise meat... same difference basically...

 

[dragoneggs]

I'm snorting out wine reading this... if you go on Opus, I'm going to have to go outside to read these. And btw, snorting wine is worse than snorting milk.

 

[Opus]

I'm snorting out wine reading this... if you go on Opus, I'm going to have to go outside to read these. And btw, snorting wine is worse than snorting milk.

But not as bad as snorting Diet Coke...

 

[Opus]

35.) You're contemplating busting up the concrete in your driveway to give you a "happy ending" as you pull out and into... out and into... out and into the garage each day.

36.) You've had to explain to your wife that paying for "Rubi takeoffs" didn't involve a trip to a strip club. Duh. How could it? The stripper's name was Chastity...

37.) You correct your friends any time they try to pronounce "Willys" as "Willies" reminding them that technically it should be pronounced "Willis"... and that's one more reason why you don't have friends...

38.) You flunked math in high school, but you can calculate the change in departure angle between a set of 245/75 R17s and a set of 255/70 R18s in your head as well as the camber, tow and caster adjustments needed for optimal performance with a 3" inch lift...

 

[Opus]

39.) For you LSD means you will always have a good trip...

40.) Your dates keep ending abruptly when you casually mention being in the woods last weekend and using your snatch strap...

41.) As a child of the 80's you have an unnatural fixation on tubular doors... totally tubular doors...

42.) You cracked your windshield because you apparently looked through it wrong...

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