You might be a Jeeper if...

[Opus]

43.) You heed the call of the open closed road...

44.) You understand it doesn't really matter what color the paint is since it will be brown 99% of the time...

45.) You believe not all those who wander are lost, but you're still gonna renew that Gaia GPS subscription in case you "wander" a bit too far...

46.) You survived a near-death experience at the hands of a shotgun-toting redneck named Cletus because what you thought was a forgotten fire road ran right through Cletus' crop of "whacky tabacky"...

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[Opus]

47.) You ordered a manual, cuz' yer tuff. You ordered hand-crank windows, cuz' yer old school. You ordered a 2-door, cuz' only real Jeeps have 2 doors. You ordered the 8.4" Premium Audio with UConnect and Apple Car Play so you can listen to The Laverne Cox Show cuz... cuz.... Hm.

48.) You rock enough wheel spacers that any two-lane road you're on becomes a one-lane road...

49.) You think people flash their hi-beams at you so they can get a better look at your Jeep, certainly not because your rig is lit up like the mothership at the end of Close Encounters of the Third Kind...

50.) With all your mods you brag to your buddies that you're still getting 23mpg... what you don't tell them is that for you, the "m" now stands for meters...

 

[TheBirdie72]

Opus,

 

[Opus]

Thanks. It's a hobby. And it keeps me from checking the pizza tracker every 5 minutes...

 

[Opus]

51.) You read somewhere that it's not about miles per gallon, but smiles per gallon... so now you're wondering if you should put a nitrous oxide kit in your 392. (DISCLAIMER: the nitrous oxide used in boosting automobile performance is not the same as the nitrous used at your dentist's office. Please do not try to inhale the nitrous from your vehicle. You will shit twice and die.)

52.) After a few too many... you tried to legally change your name to Jeepy McJeepface...

53.) You wonder why there are no songs written about Jeeps. "Hot Rod Lincoln", "Pink Cadillac", "G.T.O", "Mustang Sally", "Mercedes Benz", "Little Red Corvette", pretty much every other song by The Beach Boys... Suddenly you remember "Jeepster" by T. Rex in 1971...

"You're so sweet
You're so fine
I want you all and everything just to be mine
Cause you're my babe
Cause you're my love
Girl I'm just a Jeepster for your love

You slide so good
With bones so fair
You've got the universe reclining in your hair
Cause you're my babe
Yes you're my love
Oh, girl I'm just a Jeepster for your love

Just like a car
You're pleasing to behold
I'll call you Jaguar if I may be so bold
Cause you're my babe
Yes you're my love
Oh, girl I'm just a Jeepster for your love

The wild winds blow
Upon your frozen cheeks
The way you flip your hip it always makes me weak
Cause you're my babe
Cause you're my love
Girl I'm just a Jeepster for your love

Your motivation
Is so sweet
Your vibrations are burning up my feet
Cause you're my babe
Cause you're my love
Girl I'm just a Jeepster for your love
I said, girl I'm just a vampire for your love
And I'm going to suck you"

Hm. Then you wonder why there are no songs written about Jeeps...

54.) You spring for a fully loaded Rubicon, then pull the badging stickers and swap the hood for a Sport, cuz it doesn't matter what anyone else sees... you know what you got...

 

[Opus]

55.) You start writing Jeepku...

The road less traveled
My four wheel drive chariot
Deliver me there​

56.) The thought of putting a Bronco antenna on your Jeep makes you throw up in your mouth a little...

57.) Unlike Sammy, you can drive 55... in 4HI even... but that's pretty much the limit.

58.) You see this:

and think: "BRING IT!!!"

 

[TheBirdie72]

57. You’ve taken the time to read all of these and can relate to most of them.

 

[Opus]

60.) You know "Stubby Bumpers" is not just the best band name ever... or code for erectile disfunction...

61.) You spend $82k for your Jeep and rattle can the muffler with a $2.98 can of grill paint from Wal-Mart...

62.) You've bought so much crap for your Jeep from Amazon that Jeff Bezos sends you a Christmas card...

63.) You eagerly await an all-electric Jeep... so you can sneak up on a Prius before you run it over...

 

[Opus]

64.) You invite your non-Jeep friends to go off-roading often... not because they're your friends... but because you love the feeling of superiority when you have to tow them out of the mud or give them a ride to the parts store to fix what they broke...

65.) You've tried to use "It's a Jeep thing." in wholly inappropriate situations. Wife catches you masturbating to clown porn??? "It's a Jeep thing, honey... you wouldn't understand"...

66.) You removed the rear seats not because you need more space, but because the more people you meet, the fewer people you like...

67.) The cure for any rattle, knock, ping or squeak is that little knob on the radio that says VOL...

 

[Opus]

68.) You keep an old bicycle pump in the back for when you want to air down. Sure, it ain't flashy and it takes friggin' forever, but like you, it works...

69.) Your other Jeep is a Jeep...

70.) You failed English but know and use Jeep as:
A noun (I'm still waiting for my Jeep to be built)
A verb (to Jeep or not to Jeep, that isn't really a question)
And an adjective (It's a what thing??? A Jeep thing)

71.) You know it's silly but you have a hard time calling it deep water fording. Damn it, it should be deep water jeeping...

72.) You want a bonus Jeepku:

Off-road adventure
The exotic Siren's song
Alive in my breast​

 

[Opus]

Seriously??? All this for a lousy 453 views??? And most of them are probably mine. That's it. I'm firing my agent.

 

[dragoneggs]

Opus... it's gold! Who is that guy that cut off his ear... Van Gogh. Gotta hang in there. We might not appreciate you until after your demise.

 

[Opus]

73.) Trips to Moab and the Rubicon trail aren't just getaways but more akin to the swallows returning to Capistrano...

74.) Your friend saying they bought just a few mods for their new Jeep elicits the same reaction as seeing an article that starts with: "A Florida man"... awww shit, here we go...

75.) You've developed forearms like Popeye just from trying to stay in your lane...

76.) You've Jeeped hard enough that you were glad you wore brown shorts on the trail...

 

[Opus]

77.) You keep eyeing the median on the highway thinking... Yep. I could make that...

78.) You know if he had a Wrangler he would've made it.
https://metro.co.uk/video/darby-allin-jumps-96-feet-jeep-home-2759487/?ito=vjs-link

79.) You may have accidentally run over a drunk hobo, but with the lift and the 37s you can't really be sure...

80.) You know the way to a man's heart is through his transfer case...

 

[Opus]

81.) You'd be a math genius if Limited Slip Differential Calculus was a thing...

82.) You know how many Jeepers it takes to screw in a light bulb... three. One to be the spotter. One to screw in the bulb. And one to film the moment it all goes to shit and post it on YouTube...

83.) The shortest distance between two points is... something you've never considered...

84.) You read that Jeep was simultaneously named the Most Fuel Efficient and Most Reliable Vehicle in America three years running... then, your alarm clock went off...

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