Jeep humor waiting room ( ** NO POLITICS ** )

[JEEPJL]

Yea that's just giving up right there

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[obwahn]

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.
Now, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men.
The book's author Colin Grey recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...


Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall.
But in the end we came to the conclusionthe bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.



She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
So I took her to Bunning’s.



She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.



Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.



“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”



“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.



“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”



I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.



“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.



“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You have fat ankles and no dress sense.”



“Are you sure you want this?” I asked.

“When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.



“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, so I left the toilet seat up

Hilarious!

 

[obwahn]

Maybe I see things too simply. Mine is the type that goes between the two wheels. There's one in front and one in the rear. Am I missing something?

 

[WranglerJLU4Greg]

Good night to all, see you tomorrow.

 

[auxSwitch]

1. Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
2. The last thing I want to do is hurt you. But it's still on my list.
3. Since light travels faster than sound, some people appear bright until you hear them speak.
4. If I agreed with you, we'd both be wrong.
5. I'm supposed to respect my elders, but it's getting harder and harder for me to find one now.
6. War does not determine who is right - only who is left.
7. Knowledge is knowing a tomato is a fruit. Wisdom is not putting it in a fruit salad.
8. To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
9. I didn't say it was your fault, I said I was blaming you.
10. In filling out an application, where it says, 'In case of emergency, Notify: I put 'DOCTOR'.
11. The early bird might get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
12. You do not need a parachute to skydive. You only need a parachute to skydive twice.
13. I used to be indecisive. Now I'm not so sure.
14. To be sure of hitting the target, shoot first and call whatever you hit the target.
15. We never really grow up, we only learn how to act in public.

 

[obwahn]

Good night to all, see you tomorrow.

Have a good one Greg!

 

[obwahn]

Just saw this one. Had to post it.

 

[Smarrtazz]

The novel “Fifty Shades Of Grey” has seduced women – and baffled blokes.
Now, Fifty Sheds Of Grey, offers a treat for the men.
The book's author Colin Grey recounts his love encounters at the bottom of the garden. Here are some extracts...


Fifty Sheds Of Grey

We tried various positions – round the back, on the side, up against a wall.
But in the end we came to the conclusionthe bottom of the garden was the only place for a good shed.



She stood before me, trembling in my shed.
“I’m yours for the night,” she gasped, “You can do whatever you want with me.”
So I took her to Bunning’s.



She knelt before me on the shed floor and tugged gently at first, then harder until finally it came.
I moaned with pleasure. Now for the other boot.



Ever since she read THAT book, I’ve had to buy all kinds of ropes, chains and shackles.
She still manages to get into the shed, though.



“Put on this rubber suit and mask,” I instructed, calmly. “Mmmm, kinky!” she purred.
“Yes,” I said, “You can’t be too careful with all that asbestos in the shed roof.”



“I’m a very naughty girl,” she said, biting her lip. “I need to be punished.”
So I invited my mum to stay for the weekend.



“Harder!” she cried, gripping the workbench tightly. “Harder!”
“Okay,” I said. “What’s the gross national product of Nicaragua?”



I lay back exhausted, gazing happily out of the shed window.
Despite my concerns about my inexperience, my rhubarb had come up a treat.



“Are you sure you can take the pain?” she demanded, brandishing stilettos.
“I think so,” I gulped. “Here we go, then,” she said, and showed me the receipt.



“Hurt me!” she begged, raising her skirt as she bent over my workbench.
“Very well,” I replied. “You have fat ankles and no dress sense.”



“Are you sure you want this?” I asked.

“When I’m done, you won’t be able to sit down for weeks.” She nodded.
“Okay,” I said, putting the three-piece lounge suite on eBay.



“Punish me!” she cried. “Make me suffer like only a real man can!”
“Very well,” I replied, so I left the toilet seat up

 

[obwahn]

Obvious or what?!!!!!

 

[Smarrtazz]

Good night to all, see you tomorrow.

Good night, Greg

 

[Smarrtazz]

Obvious or what?!!!!!

:cwl::cwl:

 

[auxSwitch]

She was standing in the kitchen, preparing our usual soft-boiled eggs and toast for breakfast, wearing on the t-shirt she normally slept in. As I walked in, almost awake, she turned to me and said softly "You've got to make love to me this very moment."

My eyes lit up as I thought "I'm either still asleep, dreaming, or this is going to be my lucky day!" Not wanting to lose the moment, I embraced her and gave it my all, right there on the kitchen table.

Afterwards, she said "Thanks" and returned to the stove, her t-shirt still around her neck.

Happy, but a bit puzzled, I asked "What was that all about?"

She explained "The egg timer's broken."

 

[auxSwitch]

 

[obwahn]

 

[Smarrtazz]

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